I am happy to report that I have returned to the mentally stable portion of the population. It was touch and go for a couple of days and I was concerned that I might not find my way back! Thanks for sticking with me.
The upswing started yesterday when the hubbie and I went out on a short date. I know, I’m obsessed with chicken wings. It was nice to get out of the house for something other than work, and it was relaxing just to sit and enjoy an hour with my husband. We’ve both been under a bit of stress, and I think we needed an evening out to unwind. He said he’d take me anywhere I wanted to go, and the classy gal that I am wanted to go to our local Tap Room for buffalo wings. I often get the question about whether I can eat spicy foods. For the most part, yes. In fact, sometimes my taste buds are such that all I want is spicy food. The wings were awesome, but not nearly as awesome as the company.
I have a somewhat new side effect – but it’s a minimal one thus far. I feel like I went to a great party last night, and I had just one drink too many. Not a full blown hangover feeling, but that sensation you have when you wake up and you know you dodged a bullet. I don’t have it all the time – mainly when I have an empty stomach.
I also had my regular episode of the bizarre 3 AM insomnia that I get once or twice during each round. Last night I had a plan to deal with it. My new obsession when I’m feeling tired but can’t sleep is Grey’s Anatomy. I never watched it on live television and they currently have several seasons available on Netflix. The cool thing is I can stream Netflix on the iPad. So last night when I woke up, I popped in my headphones and watched an Episode without even stirring the hubbie.
I want to again thank a few folks for the continued support. I cannot stress enough how each of you makes a difference in my ability to cope. I received a lovely gift from a co-worker today that was one of those perfect gifts full of positive sentiment and it arrived when I could use a jolt of inspiration. And shortly after that, I received a call from another co-worker that had listened to a client talk about her cancer experience. And the woman had said that in order to effectively fight cancer and boost your immunity to the disease you need to do the things that bring fire to your spirit. (I’m paraphrasing here – I can’t remember the exact words, but I think I’ve captured the sentiment). I believe it!
I read a lot of blogs written by cancer survivors, and I find a common thread in survivors who have fought the cancer battle and won the fight. They find it difficult to go through something like this and not find some sort of meaning. The same questions surface time after time. Why did I get cancer? Why did I survive? Did I survive because I need to do something important with my life? Am I doing it? Am I making the most of this second chance?
I’m still fighting the fight, but I know those questions are in the back of my mind as well. Already I know I’m not the person I was when I started this. I just don’t know what it all means yet. I’m a little lost in that regard. But I’m looking forward to the opportunity to figure it out.