Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Hate the World Today

For both chemotherapy cycles, I have had one day where I just can’t hold it together. I am achy, tired, and mentally ill-equipped to deal with the emotions of the experience. It is the one day out of twenty-one when I am not strong. I am not a role model patient. I am just tired and angry.

It is day six of the chemotherapy cycle. Today. Day six is the day after the steroids end which is why I am having horrific mood swings. It is also when I begin getting random aches and pains including bone pain from the shot I received yesterday. This morning I tried to sleep late to try to minimize the effects. No such luck. I woke up at 9:30 ready to rumble. I have yelled out loud at E-mails and various things around the house.

This is also the time frame where I have the palate of a four-year old. Last night for dinner I made whole-grain macaroni and cheese, and a beautiful salad with walnuts, blue cheese, and red apple balsamic vinegar. It all tasted horrible. I ate a bowl of Cap’n Crunch. I feel like the Cap’n is my only friend right now. Is he bald? If not, I might not like him either.

Anyways, just trying to ride out the storm until the emotions subside.


  1. Kelly you have every right to scream and yell and be mad! I love that you are so postive, but even without everything you are going though you still get to have bad days! Hell today if someone were to look at me wrong I would just cry then scream and I could not tell you why! Today is just your day! Sorry that you are in pain I would give the world to take that from you! And I can't tell if Captain Crunch is bald because he always has his hat on, but I do think that maybe he is bald on top with hair on the sides!(maybe that's why he never takes his hat off!) I love you!

  2. What Lisa said! One day out of 21 is pretty damn good if you ask me! Hugs and kisses to you, darling.

  3. Awww Kelly! I wish I could make these kinds of days better. You are doing so well. Hugs to you.