One Red Cheek

Wow. What a week.

The good news of Tuesday gave me an energy boost that was much needed. I went into work Wednesday with over a half day of meetings scheduled and a to-do list to match. For the first time since this whole ordeal started, I worked late. It seems that just as I start to get engaged in my job again, the plug gets pulled and it is chemotherapy time again. One of my co-workers commented on Wednesday that I looked tired, and I just laughed and said “Yeah, I stay that way.”

Thursday’s chemotherapy was pretty uneventful. Unfortunately, April my usual nurse was apparently off for the day so I had Brandy for a majority of the day. But she was delightful. The only very small complaint I have is regarding where she placed the IV. She decided to give my hand a break, and went about two inches above my wrist on the side of my arm. That was fine, except I couldn’t really bend my hand much. At one point I went to the bathroom and it is very hard to maneuver if you can’t bend your arm at all. I ended up in the bathroom with the IV beeping because I had bent the IV insertion point during the process of trying to pull down my jeans. Oops! She got me all fixed back up though. I also had one of my other favorite nurses finish my chemo. while Brandy was at lunch. She was the nurse who gave me my “chemotherapy training”. She said that I really have been a trooper through this. It actually means something coming from her – she deals with a lot of cancer patients. Robbie bought me lunch afterwards, and then I headed home for an Ativan induced nap.

I had a good night’s sleep last night which was a very good thing because today was going to be a busy day. Usually I try to rest the day after chemotherapy, but today we had some big business to do, and I wasn’t about to let a little thing like cancer treatment stop me. This morning we did the final walk through on my Mom’s house, and then headed to the attorney’s office to sign the papers. It is official. My Mom now has a home in North Carolina! Next, we swung by the oncology center so I could get my white blood cell booster shot. Afterwards, we stopped by the utility office to get the water and trash service started and Robbie could tell I was getting tired. The utility has a convoluted way of setting up the service and I sort of started snapping at the woman helping us. He stepped in and finished up the transaction. We grabbed a celebratory lunch, and then headed home so I could sleep. I napped hard for two hours and probably would have napped longer if I hadn’t had asked him to wake me so I can sleep tonight.

I ate a good lunch, but since about late afternoon I’ve had complete aversion to food. Robbie offered to cook or pick something up, but nothing sounds good. We ran to the grocery store to see if I could find something I like, but no luck. I did get some carnation breakfast mix to add to milk so at least I’ll get some sort of nutrition this evening. Sweets are about the only thing that sound good, but they offer no nutrition.

I am also having a weird side effect today that I’m referring to as “one red cheek”. I’m sure it’s related to the prednisone which is becoming my nemesis. Today, I looked in the mirror and one cheek was completely pale and the other was so red I looked fevered or sunburned. It is the cheek I slept on and I guess it just didn’t lose the color. So not only am I bald, which is hard enough to deal with, but now I have a red cheek. It’s getting harder and harder to pass as a normal person.

I am tired and starting to feel the emotional turmoil that comes with the prednisone. I’m trying very hard to control it this round. I need to not let it take control. It’s about pausing and thinking before I speak. And when I start to get the crazy paranoid thoughts I need to find a way to rationalize that people have not lost their faith in me. I can still be a good wife, a good employee, a good daughter, and a good friend. I’m just temporarily insane for seven days.