Friday, September 2, 2011

Where Were You, Christmas?

Last night, Robbie and I were chilling at home watching a movie. I’m not sure how the subject of Christmas came up, but for the life of me I couldn’t remember a thing about what we did on Christmas last year. Cancer ruined Christmas!

I could not remember that we didn’t have a Christmas tree until we started to discuss it. I also couldn’t remember if we exchanged gifts. I had to go back and read my December blogs to figure it all out. I was able to piece things together and now vaguely remember that my Mom was here, it snowed, and that we didn’t do any serious gift giving because we were getting ready to buy a house. I had tears come to my eyes last night when I couldn’t remember the details.

In other news, I am happy to report that the cancer fog has lifted. Up until the last few weeks, I was still struggling to concentrate. I was telling Robbie today, that it was very frustrating to know that I was smarter than I was able to be. And that I finally feel as smart as I am. Even though the structure of the last two sentences may leave some doubt in your mind. I am going to blame my poor sentence structure on the cosmopolitan I enjoyed with dinner.

I would consider myself a multi-tasker. It is routine in my job to be on a conference call while working in a document, and have someone else standing in the doorway trying to ask a quick question. For a while there, I had to uni-task. If I was on a call, I needed to focus 100% on the discussion. If I was working on a document, I could only focus on the document, and heaven forbid it require math. But I have found myself back to my multi-tasking self and it feels amazing. I feel capable. And as Kate proclaims at the end of the world’s most cheesiest and wonderful movie, The Cutting Edge, “I’m in the mood to kick a little ass.” I’ve taken on cancer, now maybe I’ll work on accomplishing some things in the real world.

I know that at times, my posts seem written by someone who is bi-polar. One day I feel overwhelmed by everything, and the next day I’m ready to rock-and-roll. I think some of it stems from the hormone shifts that are still trying to normalize post-chemo. I am due to make an appointment with my normal doctor (not an oncologist!) to get some of this hormonal stuff straightened out. I also know that my attitude suffers when I am tired.

The laptop is nearly out of power, so I’m off to start the long Labor Day weekend with the beagles and my loved ones! Have a great one.

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