Monday, August 29, 2011

Day of Betrayal

Fall is just around the corner. It is my favorite time of year. I love it when the morning air begins to get crisp and cool. I watch each tree with anticipation of the changing colors. I can’t wait for the fall festivals, taking photos on the blueridge parkway, and heading into the mountains for fresh apples and cider.

Normally, fall is always a fun time at home for us. Since moving to North Carolina from Florida, one of the things we delight in is having a change of season. We usually have lots of wine-making activities and love looking for sugar maples at the peak of their color. Robbie’s sister usually comes for a visit as well.

It was most likely September of last year when the cancer began its journey with me. I remember feeling a little tired, but assumed it was work-related. I was in the process of taking on a new role, and was feeling a bit overwhelmed. I remember going to Blowing Rock with Robbie’s sister and having the funky ear-ache/throat “thing” that just wouldn’t go away. I’m not sure when to celebrate my cancerversary. Some people commemerate the day they were diagnosed. Others celebrate the day they were declared NED (no evidence of disease). I think those are both significant dates in my history now. But I really wish I could nail down that date when my body decided to go rogue and started to create destroyer cells. I would call it something melodramatic such as “Day of Betrayal”.

And had you suggested during that time that I might have cancer, I would have laughed at you. Probably 90% of people diagnosed NEVER believed it would happen to them. I think the few folks that did think it might happen probably had a family history or are the type of person that is paranoid regularly that they are getting some sort of disease read about online.

Speaking of paranoia, I have been going through a phase where I think everyone has cancer. Be careful to cough or complain of any ailment in my vicinity. Give me ten minutes, and I could get you good and terrified. At various points during the month, I’ve tried to tell my husband he might have cancer. I also suggested that maybe the dog has cancer. How have you been feeling? Have you been to the Doctor lately? I am over-educated about cancer at this point. I know even the most remote symptoms.

In other cancer news, the hair is looking less like that of a chia pet. My husband finally said to me this weekend “you know…maybe you should try some mousse or gel or something…” I have been avoiding hair “products” because new hair can be delicate. But seriously, it was standing straight up. I looked freshly terrified all the time. So I bought some sort of cross between a gel and a mousse on Saturday. I can’t remember exactly what it was called. But it does seem to have tamed the crazy a little.

Life is busy right now, but in a good way. Busy is a distraction, and the more distracted I am, the faster time will pass by. And the more time that passes by, the more distance I can put between me and my annoying companion.

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