Saturday, December 18, 2010

All I Want for Christmas

I am happy to report that cancer is pretty low-key right now. Besides a little fatigue and waiting for my hair to fall out, there isn’t much going on. And I am very grateful of this. I am hoping that things stay this way through the Christmas holiday so I’ll go into the new year and Round 2 of chemotherapy strong and ready to battle.

In the spirit of the holiday, I’m going to focus this narrative on what I want for Christmas this year.

1. My Mom’s cooking. She is headed this way in a day or two as long as the weather holds out. My taste buds are a bit better now, and I can’t wait to have turkey and all the fixings. My mouth waters just thinking about it. It is the little things like having someone cook for you that make the difference when you aren’t your best.

2. I have already received this gift, but it’s one of those gifts that keep on giving. Every day I put my hands on the front of my neck and I feel the place where the tumor was. It was large – about 6 cm by 7 cm. My neck feels nearly normal, and it’s miraculous. When you are going through something like this, you just hope that everything is working. But it’s nice to have a physical sign that good things are happening and that progress is being made.

3. I have never much been into massages. I am high-strung and have a hard time thinking that I might enjoy it. But the back of my neck is about as tense as a stretched rubber band. I think I’m going to have to find a place to get a really good neck massage.

4. I want Robbie to have some rest and relaxation over the holidays. He has been amazing. He takes such good care of me. But no one is taking care of him. He runs the errands, pays the bills, and cleans the house. And when I’m feeling a bit sorry for myself, he finds a way to make me laugh and get me back into the right state-of-mind. The miracle of modern medicine may be half of what cures me, but his love and support will be the other half. So finding ways for him to rejuvenate will be my priority.

5. A house. Before all this cancer talk started we had decided that my Mom was going to move here to be closer to us. While she is here over the holidays, we will be house hunting for the perfect little house for her to live in. It’s a buyer’s market right now, so I am hopeful that we will be able to find her not just a house, but someplace that feels like home.

So, to recap, I want my cancer cured, a house, good food, and happiness for those I love. I suppose it comes from being an only child that I feel audacious enough to ask for so much this year. I don’t care. I’m going to ask for it all anyways. I believe that a big part of being a cancer survivor is believing that you can be cured, feeling that your worth it, and not being afraid to make plans for the future.

I hope that you and yours have a wonderful weekend filled with merriment, love, and laughter.

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