Saturday, March 12, 2011

This Dance Sucks

Mambo No. 5 has not been fun. Every time I get complacent and begin to “plan for” the type of experience I’m going to have with a round of chemotherapy, I get a not-so-subtle reminder that it is an unpredictable beast.

It started right from the infusion. My hand is still a little red and sore from whatever reaction I had while receiving chemotherapy. I’m pretty glad that I only have one more to go. For a lot of patients they put in a Port or PICC line so that you don’t have to have a traditional IV every time. But getting those put in are actually outpatient procedures. Because I’m young and was only slated for 6-8 infusions they opted to just go directly into my veins. I can literally see the bruising of every vein they’ve used.

On Tuesday of this week I had the worst reflux I have ever had. It was a wake-me-up out of my sleep nearly vomiting experience. And this was after taking acid-reducing medication and chewing a couple tums at bedtime.

Thursday I had an all-day meeting at work. Something about sitting in a conference room chair all day made my bones literally ache. When I came home from work I was exhausted and in-pain all over.

Additionally, I think I’m developing thrush. This is not a big deal, and I experienced it quite a bit with Rounds 1 and 2. Basically, it’s a very minor infection in your mouth that leaves whatever area that is affected a bit sensitive. In my case, it feels like I really burnt my tongue.

Lastly, and I won’t go into details, my stomach has not been well. This happens nearly every cycle, but usually it is just a day, maybe two. This cycle has been the worst so far. Part of it has been that I have been eating things out of the norm due to lunches/meetings at work.

Oh! I almost forgot. I have again been plagued with a little insomnia. Last night I was looking forward to great sleep considering I was so tired. But there I lay, wide awake at midnight listening to the dog snore.

I do admit, I probably haven’t rested enough this round. I get tired of being on pause, and sometimes just try to ignore the fact that I am not completely well. So maybe I’ve brought some of this upon myself. Robbie said that maybe there isn’t any cancer left, so the chemo is mucking more with my good cells.

I’ve been under the influence of chemotherapy for nearly 100 days. This thing started as the weather was turning cold, and now there are daffodils and cherry trees beginning to bloom. It has been a long cold winter. I have never been so anxious for a new season.

1 comment:

  1. I wish I had words of wisdom, but all I have is all this love I'm sending you. Which is actually a huge-ass package of love, stuffed full to overflowing with love, the kind of stuffed full that if you break the tape the box is going to come flying open and love will spill out and get on your floor, where the dogs will chase it and knock it under the couch.

    I want to tell you that you're strong, but I don't want that to be interpreted to mean that you can bear all the weight of this yourself; I just mean that you have a true heart and are facing your life with grace and honesty. If the love everyone reading your blog feels for your could buoy you up at all, let that time be now.