So, it’s been a while. I am happy that I haven’t felt the need to talk about “It”. I’ve been very busy in my pursuit of being a card-carrying member of society again. Busy working and playing. Busy trying to forget about the days in which I was a girl interrupted. And I go for long periods of time without giving cancer a thought! I knew these glory days would come and they were well worth the wait.
Over the last month though, cancer has crept into my head. I can name a half-a-dozen people that have passed away from cancer. No one I know directly, but relatives of friends and co-workers. Some of these losses are as young as I am. And although I offer appropriate condolence, in my head I grieve greatly for each of them and their families. I grieve because cancer sucks and it can hit anyone at anytime. And we don’t understand who will get it or why. And I hear about these people who leave children and loved ones behind and the question of “Why me?” rattles around in my head. Not why did I get cancer, but why did I get to survive when someone else who had a bigger role in humanity was not so fortunate. I am so grateful that I am alive, but disturbed by the lack of rhyme or reason to the world.
Yesterday I received my appointment for my annual PET scan. It’s been a year since my last PET scan and about 16 months since I had my first clean scan. I feel great and I am hopeful for an all-clear, but I would be lying if I said I am not feeling a little bit of “scanxiety”. Nothing like I felt a year ago, but definitely a little tension in my neck that I can attribute to the anticipation of it.
Enough talk about the thoughts that exist in the shadows of my mind. Let’s do a dramatic change of topic and talk about my 40th Birthday. I am THRILLED to be turning 40 in less than two weeks. After thinking I might be robbed of another decade of life, I welcome it with open arms. I am looking forward to celebrating it with my family and friends. This Leo wants to be the center of attention! Now if I can just find an appropriate tiara for the occasion…