I can’t believe how long it has been since my last post. I have been so very busy that it has been difficult to find the time to stop and reflect.
Cancer is becoming more of a memory. And as time passes, the details become
blurred and it is slowly becoming this thing that happened a while back. I thought the day would never come in which
it wasn’t constantly consuming my thoughts, but time is a wonderful remedy. There just might be life after cancer.
I haven’t been great with the treadmill this week, but I
have been pretty active so I feel good.
For example, last weekend we finished painting the kitchen. The kitchen I started to paint years ago that
remained half-painted all through my cancer days. It was one of those things that made me feel
like my life was on pause.
This fall is sort of surreal. I am doing all the things we do each
fall. Except now I know that last year
at this time I had cancer. Yesterday we
went to Ocktoberfest, and as I was walking around I was remembering that last
year I felt so tired. And I felt
wonderful this time, which gave me more confidence that maybe the nightmare
really is over. It is hard to describe,
but I feel like my “cancer ghost” haunts each experience. But it is important for me to remember how far I’ve
come so the ghost can stay for now.
Last week was very busy at work, and this week is more of the
same. I have a gauntlet of travel the
first part of the week that includes a one day trip to DC (fly in and out same
day) and a trip to Raleigh for two days.
But for so long I felt “grounded” that it is sort of exciting to get out
and see people and really jump in with both feet.
Lingering side effects are almost completely gone. Probably the one that drives me the craziest
is that when I’m really tired I really struggle for words. It’s not that I can’t gather my thoughts; it’s
that I can’t find the right words to express them. And this totally frustrates me because being able
to speak intelligently on-the-spot is an important part of my job. I just need to be cognizant and try to get
appropriate amounts of sleep.
Today was a fabulous day of emerald mining with Ust Gunder,
Tom Tom, and the hubbie. We had a great
time, but I think every inch of my body is exhausted so I’ve got a serious
night of relaxing planned.
Two last thoughts – rest in peace to Steve Jobs who lost his
battle to cancer. Cancer sucks. I am sad that we will never know what ideas
were still in that head of his because of this stupid disease. Also, I am very sad that my dog niece Val
also passed away this week. I have great
memories of watching her and Zoe romp when they were young dogs. I know that she is somewhere doing that now and
feeling no pain. Much love to Rosalie
who is missing her fur-baby.