Saturday, March 24, 2012

Halfway There

I have a check-up with my oncologist soon.  Next week I’ll have bloodwork and the following week is my appointment.  I’m feeling good so I’m anticipating an “all-clear”.  And getting that all clear will be exciting because it means I’ve made it through my first year of a cancer-free life post-chemotherapy.  The two year mark is a critical milestone.   If it doesn’t recur within that timeframe, your odds of getting it again go way down.  So time can keep on ticking away!  It’s a rare time in life when you want the days to go by quickly.

Operation weight-loss is going well.  I’m thirty pounds down.  I’m losing much more slowly now, but I’m going for long term success and a slow and steady weight loss is the best way to achieve it.  My goal is 10 pounds a month.  So far so good, though the last few weeks I’ve been on a bit of a plateau.  I am going to try to ramp it up a bit over the next few weeks in preparation for our upcoming vacation that is long overdue.

Last May, we were supposed to go to Santa Barbara for a winemaking conference and then on to Napa and Sonoma.  We cancelled the trip for multiple reasons.  I had used every ounce of my vacation and sick time for treatment, and I was just finishing up radiation.  I have finally accrued some time off again, so Napa here we come!  We’re going in early May. 

I am struggling with balance in my life right now.  You make a lot of promises to yourself when you have cancer, and one of mine was to have better balance in my life.  This has been such a challenge lately.  Last week for example, work was crazy busy (although last week wasn’t an exception, it’s been that way for months).  I felt guilty leaving the office on-time, but I needed to do so because I have a diabetic dog that needs a shot every twelve hours.  I was also feeling guilty because I made time to dance/exercise (my new favorite exercise – Dance Central 2).  And I feel guilty because I took myself out for a nice lunch because it was a beautiful spring day and I decided to enjoy it.  I need to reconcile my feelings about these things.  I don’t like feeling like I’m not working hard enough, but I am also not willing to sacrifice a balance that I so desperately need.  If the cancer ever did return, I don’t want to regret that I didn’t take the time to enjoy life’s moments.  It’s too important.  When I thought I could die, I never once thought that I should’ve worked harder.     

Too many heavy thoughts!  I am off to enjoy the day.  Robbie and I had our sixteenth wedding anniversary this week, and it’s time to spend some time celebrating.

1 comment:

  1. Such mature thoughts. You are amazing

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