It’s been an interesting week. But it has ended relatively well.
My dear sweet beagle Zoe has not been feeling well. We took her in to get her teeth cleaned and to have a cyst removed from her eye a few weeks ago, and while she was there we mentioned that she has been a bit slow moving and achy. They did an X-ray of her hips and spine while she was there, but they couldn’t find any problems.
The vet thought it could be a type of soft-tissue arthritis and prescribed some medication. The day after we brought her home she seemed energetic and we assumed it was the pills that were prescribed. But as the days went by, she started to feel bad again. In fact, it appeared to be getting worse.
In addition to her achiness, she also had a red spot develop on her chest. It looked like a rash or a burn about the size of a fist. So I called the vet’s office and Robbie took in her in for a visit about the chest wound as well as the continued achiness. They ran a bunch of urine and bloodwork while she was at the office. Her blood glucose was around 600 which is REALLY high, but they felt like that was a mistake and sent it out to a lab to have them check it as well. They called a few days later and confirmed that her blood sugar was indeed high, and that she was definitely diabetic. She probably felt better after the first visit because we had fasted her before the surgery and her blood sugar dropped. The chest wound ended up being some sort of bizarre burn. We are assuming she laid on something hot in the yard.
So Friday we dropped her off so they could do a “curve”. They kept her all day and monitored her glucose throughout the day after giving her an initial dose on insulin. Unfortunately her curve didn’t really curve much. Her glucose stayed above five hundred. At the end of the day we were trained on how to inject insulin and were given instructions on what to do over the weekend. Tuesday they are hoping that her blood sugar has dropped enough so that they can do a proper curve.
She has been feeling somewhat better over the weekend. She is still lethargic at times, but now has bursts of energy that she wasn’t exhibiting before. She ran around the yard quite a bit, and has been playing both in the yard and in the house. It is nice to have hope that she can be like this all the time in the future once we get this regulated a bit. Dogs are so full of unconditional love, and it breaks my heart when one of my girls isn't feeling well. They can't say "I feel like crap! Help me!" So you have to try to sense how they feel. It can be difficult, especially when they are good-natured and try to hide their pain.
As far as I go, I’ve been feeling good. Most days I am completely back to normal. I notice if I don’t get enough sleep over several days that I start to feel run down, but I think everybody feels that way. I am also able to fully taste fruit again and that has been wonderful – that was really my last taste sensation to return. I am still a little sensitive to super-tangy things and have to be a bit careful or I get a little bit of a gag reflex.
July will bring my next PET Scan and a follow-up with my oncologist. I’m anxious to get an “all-clear”. As I’ve said before, every day that passes lessens my chances of recurrence.
Hope your summer is going well. Be sure to hug your pets!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
A Gift
Tonight I was driving home from my Mom’s house right at dusk after a lovely dinner. I had wore my wig all day today and had finally had enough of it. I pulled it off and threw it on the passenger’s seat. I ran my fingers across the top of my head to feel the baby soft fuzz that adorns the top of my head. Not long now until I can be done with the wig. The fireflies were just coming out and they were sparkling all along the winding highway as I drove along. I turned on the radio and U2’s “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” was playing. I saw a bunny dart into the weeds as I drove by.
The cancer experience gives you one gift. And that gift is to appreciate the moments. It is those few minutes in your day where the world comes together in a perfect way. It is about remembering to smile and take it in while driving along a winding road lined with fireflies.
The cancer experience gives you one gift. And that gift is to appreciate the moments. It is those few minutes in your day where the world comes together in a perfect way. It is about remembering to smile and take it in while driving along a winding road lined with fireflies.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Better Days
It’s been over two weeks since my last radiation treatment. Life has improved ten-fold. I can finally eat and drink pretty much normally. The only remaining side effect is a little dryness in the throat – mostly in the evenings. I am also drug free! No more drugs needed to combat the many side effects of cancer treatment.
I don’t see another Doctor until the very end of June, and that is just a follow-up with the radiation oncologist. In July, I will be scheduled for another PET Scan, bloodwork, and a follow-up appointment with my main oncologist. Every day that goes by and every scan that comes back clean lessens my chance for recurrence. So for once, time is on my side.
This is the best I’ve felt since October of last year. It’s hard to believe it has been that long. Feeling unwell is a gradual thing, and you don’t really realize how bad you really felt until you start to feel better. The same with the chemo “fog”. I thought I was firing on all cylinders during my treatment, but as my ability to concentrate and general well-being improves I am starting to realize that maybe I was a bit off.
A couple of co-workers approached me about a 5K/10K trail challenge in August to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society. They propose that for our office summer picnic that employees who want to can participate in the race and that we could then have our picnic immediately following the event. I was humbled that they wanted to do it, and am very excited about participating. I want to get in better shape and this is a good short-term goal to kick-start my effort. This weekend I need to unbury the treadmill!
I did lose a little weight during radiation, and actually because I was eating such small meals during radiation I think it’s helped my stomach to shrink a little. I’m eating enough, but I’m not overeating like I was before. I hope to continue this trend.
I have found that some of my taste/food preferences have changed during this whole thing. I’m not sure if that is a temporary or permanent thing. For example, I can barely drink a soda. I don’t like the taste or the carbonation. I think I want fried food, but when I eat it I don’t like the mouth feel at all and usually end up just picking at it. Multi-texture foods are a real treat! For example, I want Subway all the time. It’s the coolness and all the various textures. At work last week, for a catered lunch there was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. It just seemed too heavy and rich. I would have rather had a sandwich. I do have a serious soft spot for ice cream though – I think because I still have some dryness. That and because it’s been in the 90s for the last two weeks. Seriously, it’s barely June!
So all and all, life is pretty darn good. If I could just get my hair to grow faster! But that’s such a little thing in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully I’ll have enough hair by my Birthday (August) to be able to go out without headgear. If not, I’ll just put on a big tiara.
I don’t see another Doctor until the very end of June, and that is just a follow-up with the radiation oncologist. In July, I will be scheduled for another PET Scan, bloodwork, and a follow-up appointment with my main oncologist. Every day that goes by and every scan that comes back clean lessens my chance for recurrence. So for once, time is on my side.
This is the best I’ve felt since October of last year. It’s hard to believe it has been that long. Feeling unwell is a gradual thing, and you don’t really realize how bad you really felt until you start to feel better. The same with the chemo “fog”. I thought I was firing on all cylinders during my treatment, but as my ability to concentrate and general well-being improves I am starting to realize that maybe I was a bit off.
A couple of co-workers approached me about a 5K/10K trail challenge in August to raise money for the leukemia and lymphoma society. They propose that for our office summer picnic that employees who want to can participate in the race and that we could then have our picnic immediately following the event. I was humbled that they wanted to do it, and am very excited about participating. I want to get in better shape and this is a good short-term goal to kick-start my effort. This weekend I need to unbury the treadmill!
I did lose a little weight during radiation, and actually because I was eating such small meals during radiation I think it’s helped my stomach to shrink a little. I’m eating enough, but I’m not overeating like I was before. I hope to continue this trend.
I have found that some of my taste/food preferences have changed during this whole thing. I’m not sure if that is a temporary or permanent thing. For example, I can barely drink a soda. I don’t like the taste or the carbonation. I think I want fried food, but when I eat it I don’t like the mouth feel at all and usually end up just picking at it. Multi-texture foods are a real treat! For example, I want Subway all the time. It’s the coolness and all the various textures. At work last week, for a catered lunch there was meatloaf and mashed potatoes. It just seemed too heavy and rich. I would have rather had a sandwich. I do have a serious soft spot for ice cream though – I think because I still have some dryness. That and because it’s been in the 90s for the last two weeks. Seriously, it’s barely June!
So all and all, life is pretty darn good. If I could just get my hair to grow faster! But that’s such a little thing in the grand scheme of things. Hopefully I’ll have enough hair by my Birthday (August) to be able to go out without headgear. If not, I’ll just put on a big tiara.
Monday, May 30, 2011
There and Back Again
Back in November, I called to make a Doctor’s appointment in order to figure out what was going on with this pesky swollen lymph node. Unfortunately I already had a Dentist appointment for the exact same time as they wanted to make the Doctor’s appointment. I had recently had a root canal and needed to go for the follow-up so they could cap the tooth. I cancelled the dental appointment with every intention to go back to the dentist to finish up the root canal.
Well if you are reading this blog, you know what become of the swollen lymph node. And once you start chemotherapy and radiation it is not a good idea to go to the dentist. Because your immunity is decreased, they don’t want a bunch of mouth bacteria stirred up. ANY type of infection can be serious during treatment. In hindsight, I should’ve tried to have the dentist squeeze me in before chemotherapy started, but seriously, dental work was the last thing on my mind. So part deux of the root canal never happened.
And today, just two days after I finally got my ability to eat back, the dead tooth cracks and falls apart in my mouth while trying to each a fried clam. It figures. And the irony of it is that I was going to call the dentist sometime during the next week or so to make an appointment. One of my co-workers had recently told me that the radiation would make all my teeth fall out. I guess I should’ve listened! In all seriousness, I did not have radiation to my mouth, and though some saliva issues may have caused a few minor dental problems I don’t believe that is why my tooth broke apart. I just had a long overdue need to see the dentist.
Even with the tooth issue, it has been a really good weekend. Robbie and I spent the last four days in a cabin in the mountains. Robbie asked me what I liked the most about our getaway, and I said the quiet. And I don’t mean just the quiet of the wilderness, but the quiet that comes with no responsibility. It was the first time since all of this craziness began that I really had time to digest what had happened and to deal with it on an emotional level.
There is definitely a shift that occurs when you go from cancer fighter to cancer survivor. In my opinion to fight cancer, you need to be in battle mode. There isn’t much time to reflect. It’s all about doing everything you can to win the fight.
But now that the fight is over, I do have the time to make a decision about who I want to be. And to be honest, I don’t feel having a big celebration. I feel grateful and exhausted. I feel like I need to find ways to give back to others going through this type of experience through blogging and participation in discussion groups. I need to participate in organizations that raise money to find better treatment and cures.
But I do not want to gloat or showboat. Cancer was a bad-ass opponent. And just because I won this time, it doesn’t mean that I’d win the next round. I do not want to tempt fate. I’m going to lay low and hope that she just passes me on by and lets me tell my tale of how I went there and back again and lived to tell the harrowing tale.
Well if you are reading this blog, you know what become of the swollen lymph node. And once you start chemotherapy and radiation it is not a good idea to go to the dentist. Because your immunity is decreased, they don’t want a bunch of mouth bacteria stirred up. ANY type of infection can be serious during treatment. In hindsight, I should’ve tried to have the dentist squeeze me in before chemotherapy started, but seriously, dental work was the last thing on my mind. So part deux of the root canal never happened.
And today, just two days after I finally got my ability to eat back, the dead tooth cracks and falls apart in my mouth while trying to each a fried clam. It figures. And the irony of it is that I was going to call the dentist sometime during the next week or so to make an appointment. One of my co-workers had recently told me that the radiation would make all my teeth fall out. I guess I should’ve listened! In all seriousness, I did not have radiation to my mouth, and though some saliva issues may have caused a few minor dental problems I don’t believe that is why my tooth broke apart. I just had a long overdue need to see the dentist.
Even with the tooth issue, it has been a really good weekend. Robbie and I spent the last four days in a cabin in the mountains. Robbie asked me what I liked the most about our getaway, and I said the quiet. And I don’t mean just the quiet of the wilderness, but the quiet that comes with no responsibility. It was the first time since all of this craziness began that I really had time to digest what had happened and to deal with it on an emotional level.
There is definitely a shift that occurs when you go from cancer fighter to cancer survivor. In my opinion to fight cancer, you need to be in battle mode. There isn’t much time to reflect. It’s all about doing everything you can to win the fight.
But now that the fight is over, I do have the time to make a decision about who I want to be. And to be honest, I don’t feel having a big celebration. I feel grateful and exhausted. I feel like I need to find ways to give back to others going through this type of experience through blogging and participation in discussion groups. I need to participate in organizations that raise money to find better treatment and cures.
But I do not want to gloat or showboat. Cancer was a bad-ass opponent. And just because I won this time, it doesn’t mean that I’d win the next round. I do not want to tempt fate. I’m going to lay low and hope that she just passes me on by and lets me tell my tale of how I went there and back again and lived to tell the harrowing tale.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Awake
Sleep is not coming easy for me lately. I think it is a combination of factors.
First, the pain. Yes, I am going to talk about the throat pain again. I have lived a pretty painless existence up until now. I wish I could have continued with my blissful ignorance. It has been a full two weeks of pain now. It is grating on my last nerve.
Secondly, I gave up my anti-anxiety medication. It was a fabulous sleep-aid. It quieted all the crazy thoughts that would fill my head each night. But now that cancer treatment is over, I need to get back to some sort of normal. And that means getting rid of the drugs.
Stopping the anti-anxiety pills have unfortunately opened me up to really feeling the day-to-day stress. From medical bills that require calls to the insurance company (most get resolved - mainly mix ups) to fire drills at work (of which there have been an abnormally high amount of lately) I am actually feeling the stress instead of being able to let it roll.
I sort of wish I had really taken time off while undergoing treatment. I feel like I put more stress on myself than I really should have. Last week I rushed from radiation to work, only to work all day in pain. There was one day last week that I was so worn out that I sat outside on the patio and napped for a few minutes.
Part of the problem is that my treatment has gone on for so long. I mean seriously, how much patience can I expect people to have with me? And this little bout of radiation was supposed to be a breeze. And that has hardly been the case. I hope every single day that I will not have to go through this again ever. Because just that thought alone can keep me awake at night.
At least we are getting away for some rest and relaxation later this week. I need quality sleep. And a fresh perspective.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
First, the pain. Yes, I am going to talk about the throat pain again. I have lived a pretty painless existence up until now. I wish I could have continued with my blissful ignorance. It has been a full two weeks of pain now. It is grating on my last nerve.
Secondly, I gave up my anti-anxiety medication. It was a fabulous sleep-aid. It quieted all the crazy thoughts that would fill my head each night. But now that cancer treatment is over, I need to get back to some sort of normal. And that means getting rid of the drugs.
Stopping the anti-anxiety pills have unfortunately opened me up to really feeling the day-to-day stress. From medical bills that require calls to the insurance company (most get resolved - mainly mix ups) to fire drills at work (of which there have been an abnormally high amount of lately) I am actually feeling the stress instead of being able to let it roll.
I sort of wish I had really taken time off while undergoing treatment. I feel like I put more stress on myself than I really should have. Last week I rushed from radiation to work, only to work all day in pain. There was one day last week that I was so worn out that I sat outside on the patio and napped for a few minutes.
Part of the problem is that my treatment has gone on for so long. I mean seriously, how much patience can I expect people to have with me? And this little bout of radiation was supposed to be a breeze. And that has hardly been the case. I hope every single day that I will not have to go through this again ever. Because just that thought alone can keep me awake at night.
At least we are getting away for some rest and relaxation later this week. I need quality sleep. And a fresh perspective.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Rapture
There was a rumor that today would be the end of the world as we know it. To some extent the prediction was true. At least for me. My days of Doctor prescribed torture are complete. I don't see another Doctor until late June. My next scan isn't until July. I won't know what to do! I suppose I can just devote my attention to growing hair.
So now begins the healing. The radiation kicked my ass a bit. The nurse said it could be weeks until my throat feels better. Eating completely sucks. It tastes all wrong and it hurts. For the first time in my life I eat only for necessity. It has been a good life lesson, and I hope I can carry my respect for food forward as I am able to eat again. I am still a bit tired as well. Only time will help.
I need to heal mentally as well. I still get overwhelmed when I think about this last six months. My life took a crazy turn and I am on a different road now. I am finally in a place where I can take a moment to navigate and make sure I'm headed in the right direction.
Robbie and I are headed to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains later this week. I am looking forward to getting away with my best friend. As hard as this whole experience has been for me, it has been equally as difficult for him. Lots of fresh air, sleep, and solitude will serve us both well.
So for me, a world filled with poison and daily doses of radiation has ended and I feel fine!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
So now begins the healing. The radiation kicked my ass a bit. The nurse said it could be weeks until my throat feels better. Eating completely sucks. It tastes all wrong and it hurts. For the first time in my life I eat only for necessity. It has been a good life lesson, and I hope I can carry my respect for food forward as I am able to eat again. I am still a bit tired as well. Only time will help.
I need to heal mentally as well. I still get overwhelmed when I think about this last six months. My life took a crazy turn and I am on a different road now. I am finally in a place where I can take a moment to navigate and make sure I'm headed in the right direction.
Robbie and I are headed to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains later this week. I am looking forward to getting away with my best friend. As hard as this whole experience has been for me, it has been equally as difficult for him. Lots of fresh air, sleep, and solitude will serve us both well.
So for me, a world filled with poison and daily doses of radiation has ended and I feel fine!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Friday I'm in Love
Friday is my last day of radiation.
They let me double-up on radiation sessions yesterday so that I wouldn't need to come back next week for just one day. This will allow me six uninterrupted days of healing before we leave to go away for our weekend in the Smokey Mountains. This is much better than the three days I would've had.
It would be so nice to be able to eat a little solid food and partake in a glass of wine. I am going to keep my fingers crossed for super-fast healing.
Radiation has completely sucked since the middle of last week. I am so tired of yogurt, milk, soup, and all things liquid and mushy. I long for sandwiches, crusty bread, steak, and salad. At least the liquid hydrocodone has been helping with the pain. I can only take it in the evening though. It isn't conducive to driving or working.
I am not sure how people are able to handle chemotherapy and radiation simultaneously. I feel like such a wuss for complaining when I hear what others go through.
I just need to put on my brave face for two lousy days. I can do this.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
They let me double-up on radiation sessions yesterday so that I wouldn't need to come back next week for just one day. This will allow me six uninterrupted days of healing before we leave to go away for our weekend in the Smokey Mountains. This is much better than the three days I would've had.
It would be so nice to be able to eat a little solid food and partake in a glass of wine. I am going to keep my fingers crossed for super-fast healing.
Radiation has completely sucked since the middle of last week. I am so tired of yogurt, milk, soup, and all things liquid and mushy. I long for sandwiches, crusty bread, steak, and salad. At least the liquid hydrocodone has been helping with the pain. I can only take it in the evening though. It isn't conducive to driving or working.
I am not sure how people are able to handle chemotherapy and radiation simultaneously. I feel like such a wuss for complaining when I hear what others go through.
I just need to put on my brave face for two lousy days. I can do this.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
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