Friday is my last day of radiation.
They let me double-up on radiation sessions yesterday so that I wouldn't need to come back next week for just one day. This will allow me six uninterrupted days of healing before we leave to go away for our weekend in the Smokey Mountains. This is much better than the three days I would've had.
It would be so nice to be able to eat a little solid food and partake in a glass of wine. I am going to keep my fingers crossed for super-fast healing.
Radiation has completely sucked since the middle of last week. I am so tired of yogurt, milk, soup, and all things liquid and mushy. I long for sandwiches, crusty bread, steak, and salad. At least the liquid hydrocodone has been helping with the pain. I can only take it in the evening though. It isn't conducive to driving or working.
I am not sure how people are able to handle chemotherapy and radiation simultaneously. I feel like such a wuss for complaining when I hear what others go through.
I just need to put on my brave face for two lousy days. I can do this.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
No Pain, No Loss
I am experiencing the worst throat pain I have ever had.
I can only eat soft foods. Anything bigger than a very small bite and it feels like I am swallowing a piece of jagged gravel. The easiest things to eat are yogurt and applesauce. Things that are absolutely off the menu include chewy bread, chicken, steak, salad, and hard fruits.
I would’ve thought that I would just “drink” my calories – milkshakes, smoothies, etc. But that doesn’t work so well either. First, I can only drink small sips. A single small swallow at a time is about all I can do. Secondly, I’m finding that very cold beverages are actually harder to drink. Straws are helpful, although every time I go to the store I forget to pick them up for home.
I have weight to lose, so one would think I might be happy about this new “diet plan”. Unfortunately, there are a few kinks to this concept. The nurse specifically said to try not to lose weight during radiation. She said to make sure I get plenty of protein and that I stay hydrated. On Mondays I see the oncologist and they always check my weight. I’m hoping I’ve consumed enough to not have lost more weight than they find acceptable. When I weighed in last week I was already down a couple of pounds.
On Wednesday of last week I finally broke down and asked for something for the pain. I feel pain every single time I swallow. They prescribed a liquid version of hydrocodone. It doesn’t take the pain away completely, but it does take the edge off. I’ve been taking it very sparingly and in low doses.
I have six more days of radiation. The past week has been pretty rough. In some ways it seems worse than chemotherapy. I have to remember that this lasts a mere three weeks, whereas chemo was over four months. The pain associated with chemotherapy was tolerable – mainly aches and pains that could be mitigated with Tylenol. It was a generally dull pain that was intermittent. On the 1-10 pain scale, I would’ve put it at a 3.5 or 4. The pain of a swallow is about a 6 or 7. The hydrocodone takes it down to about a 3 or 4.
I am looking forward to May 26th. Robbie and I have a little post-cancer treatment vacation scheduled. We are heading to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains for a relaxing getaway. This has been a long process and it will be nice to get away from it all. I have an insanely busy week at work this week so hopefully it will make the time go quickly.
I can only eat soft foods. Anything bigger than a very small bite and it feels like I am swallowing a piece of jagged gravel. The easiest things to eat are yogurt and applesauce. Things that are absolutely off the menu include chewy bread, chicken, steak, salad, and hard fruits.
I would’ve thought that I would just “drink” my calories – milkshakes, smoothies, etc. But that doesn’t work so well either. First, I can only drink small sips. A single small swallow at a time is about all I can do. Secondly, I’m finding that very cold beverages are actually harder to drink. Straws are helpful, although every time I go to the store I forget to pick them up for home.
I have weight to lose, so one would think I might be happy about this new “diet plan”. Unfortunately, there are a few kinks to this concept. The nurse specifically said to try not to lose weight during radiation. She said to make sure I get plenty of protein and that I stay hydrated. On Mondays I see the oncologist and they always check my weight. I’m hoping I’ve consumed enough to not have lost more weight than they find acceptable. When I weighed in last week I was already down a couple of pounds.
On Wednesday of last week I finally broke down and asked for something for the pain. I feel pain every single time I swallow. They prescribed a liquid version of hydrocodone. It doesn’t take the pain away completely, but it does take the edge off. I’ve been taking it very sparingly and in low doses.
I have six more days of radiation. The past week has been pretty rough. In some ways it seems worse than chemotherapy. I have to remember that this lasts a mere three weeks, whereas chemo was over four months. The pain associated with chemotherapy was tolerable – mainly aches and pains that could be mitigated with Tylenol. It was a generally dull pain that was intermittent. On the 1-10 pain scale, I would’ve put it at a 3.5 or 4. The pain of a swallow is about a 6 or 7. The hydrocodone takes it down to about a 3 or 4.
I am looking forward to May 26th. Robbie and I have a little post-cancer treatment vacation scheduled. We are heading to a cabin in the Smokey Mountains for a relaxing getaway. This has been a long process and it will be nice to get away from it all. I have an insanely busy week at work this week so hopefully it will make the time go quickly.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Magic Mouthwash my Ass
My throat hurts. A lot.
It started hurting last Friday. By Monday it was sore enough to ask the radiation oncologist for a remedy and he prescribed the very expensive “Magic Mouthwash”. But it made me hurl when I tried to use it, so I hesitate to try it again. Yesterday my throat was sore enough that I chewed all of my food to a state of mush to avoid any type of scraping in my throat.
Today I’m pondering whether food is even worth it. This pain is getting worse each day and I’m going to have to attempt to mitigate it. Tonight I am either going to try the mouthwash again, or the home remedy Robbie found on the Internet that consists of water, salt, and baking soda. I am hoping that maybe if I take an anti-nausea pill prior to gargling the world’s nastiest mouthwash that maybe I can control the gag reflex.
Eight more days of radiation. Eight very long days. Many apologies to those who cross my path during this time. I am having difficulty keeping my shiny attitude.
It started hurting last Friday. By Monday it was sore enough to ask the radiation oncologist for a remedy and he prescribed the very expensive “Magic Mouthwash”. But it made me hurl when I tried to use it, so I hesitate to try it again. Yesterday my throat was sore enough that I chewed all of my food to a state of mush to avoid any type of scraping in my throat.
Today I’m pondering whether food is even worth it. This pain is getting worse each day and I’m going to have to attempt to mitigate it. Tonight I am either going to try the mouthwash again, or the home remedy Robbie found on the Internet that consists of water, salt, and baking soda. I am hoping that maybe if I take an anti-nausea pill prior to gargling the world’s nastiest mouthwash that maybe I can control the gag reflex.
Eight more days of radiation. Eight very long days. Many apologies to those who cross my path during this time. I am having difficulty keeping my shiny attitude.
Monday, May 9, 2011
I Hate Vitamins
I’m halfway through radiation treatment. My mouth continues to be dry, but that isn’t too bad. I am trying to diligently drink fluids to keep my mouth moist. My taste buds are also out of whack, but I went through a lot of that while on chemotherapy so I’ve adjusted to that feeling.
Late last week I started to develop soreness when I swallow. This morning, my radiation oncologist prescribed “Magic Mouthwash”. This is actually a sucralfate compound mouthwash that has to be prepared by a compound pharmacy. Apparently it’s mixed to order. It can be swallowed and is supposed to help with the soreness. I just took the first dose, but I think I used it wrong. It says to swish in my mouth. So I swished. But it’s my throat that is sore, so I probably should have gargled. Next time I’ll gargle.
The oncologist said that I should expect continued discomfort. He said I may also have some hoarseness. The nurse said to try to eat softer, blander foods. They also said I may have problems with acidic foods like tomatoes and citrus and dense foods like steak. For now, I'm still eating normally while I can. Because eating soft bland foods will get old really quickly.
Apparently this whole throat thing caused me a bit of havoc this morning when trying to take my vitamin. I have been trying to be diligent about my vitamins because it’s supposed to help hair growth. Once in a while, when I take a multi-vitamin it makes me a little quesy if I take it on an empty stomach. I had eaten breakfast and had a dried fruit snack a few minutes before taking it so I didn’t think taking the vitamin would be an issue.
I took the vitamin, and it did feel a little funky going down my throat, but I thought I was fine. A few minutes later, I could still sort of taste the vitamin in the back of my mouth/throat. And then I had a passing thought that maybe it was a little nauseating, and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had to immediately try not to think about it, because the second I would think about it I would gag and nearly heave. And unfortunately, I had just walked out to my car and didn’t have anything to drink to try to get rid of the taste. I cranked the cool air up to full blast and took deep breaths for about two or three minutes. The feeling finally subsided.
I ate lunch a few minutes later and managed to get rid of the taste and settle the nauseous feeling. I did find that my throat is a little worse today than over the weekend, and that I have to really chew into small easy-to-swallow bites.
In other news, my skin is also starting to get a little red. Radiation is starting to be a little annoying. Even if it is near the Starbucks.
Late last week I started to develop soreness when I swallow. This morning, my radiation oncologist prescribed “Magic Mouthwash”. This is actually a sucralfate compound mouthwash that has to be prepared by a compound pharmacy. Apparently it’s mixed to order. It can be swallowed and is supposed to help with the soreness. I just took the first dose, but I think I used it wrong. It says to swish in my mouth. So I swished. But it’s my throat that is sore, so I probably should have gargled. Next time I’ll gargle.
The oncologist said that I should expect continued discomfort. He said I may also have some hoarseness. The nurse said to try to eat softer, blander foods. They also said I may have problems with acidic foods like tomatoes and citrus and dense foods like steak. For now, I'm still eating normally while I can. Because eating soft bland foods will get old really quickly.
Apparently this whole throat thing caused me a bit of havoc this morning when trying to take my vitamin. I have been trying to be diligent about my vitamins because it’s supposed to help hair growth. Once in a while, when I take a multi-vitamin it makes me a little quesy if I take it on an empty stomach. I had eaten breakfast and had a dried fruit snack a few minutes before taking it so I didn’t think taking the vitamin would be an issue.
I took the vitamin, and it did feel a little funky going down my throat, but I thought I was fine. A few minutes later, I could still sort of taste the vitamin in the back of my mouth/throat. And then I had a passing thought that maybe it was a little nauseating, and it was a self-fulfilling prophecy. I had to immediately try not to think about it, because the second I would think about it I would gag and nearly heave. And unfortunately, I had just walked out to my car and didn’t have anything to drink to try to get rid of the taste. I cranked the cool air up to full blast and took deep breaths for about two or three minutes. The feeling finally subsided.
I ate lunch a few minutes later and managed to get rid of the taste and settle the nauseous feeling. I did find that my throat is a little worse today than over the weekend, and that I have to really chew into small easy-to-swallow bites.
In other news, my skin is also starting to get a little red. Radiation is starting to be a little annoying. Even if it is near the Starbucks.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Me and the Machine
Let me start by saying that so far, radiation is going well. I’ve had 4 out of 18 treatments and I can’t really complain. The only side effect has been a bit of dry mouth and a funky taste.
There is something about radiation that has made this whole experience a bit more authentic. While receiving chemotherapy, pretty much everything was done at the oncology center. I got to keep my clothes on, play games, and watch TV. I could wear hats and wigs, and bring snacks. And even though I was in a bed and had an IV, it wasn’t a hospital.
Radiation is every day (except weekends) at an actual hospital. Nothing makes an experience more real than doing it every single day. When I show up each morning I have to put on a hospital gown. Granted, I get to keep my pants and shoes on, but having that gown on still makes it seem a bit more daunting. Once I change, I sit in a small waiting room with my gown and my bald head. I usually don’t go out in public bald, so I feel very vulnerable sitting in my gown and with my ostrich-like head exposed.
Once I’m called back to the radiation area, I walk through a door that is about six inches thick. When the technicians get me settled they leave the room and then it’s just me and the machine. The machine re-positions during my treatment and it has a fluidness to it that makes it seem almost like a creature rather than a mere machine.
Those three minutes that I am alone with the machine are peaceful, yet agonizing. It’s early in the morning and I’m still waking up. It’s quiet and I’m usually somewhat covered with a blanket. The sounds of the machine are rhythmic and almost soothing. But then my mind starts to fill with thoughts as the machine rotates around me. I start to think about the fact that I can’t move and that it is very uncomfortable. And I start to think about the radiation that is being administered. I can’t see or feel it, but its presence surrounds me and I almost feel smothered. But by the time the panic starts to set in, the experience ends. The technicians show up and they set me free.
I quickly change into my clothes and then I walk out to my reserved parking space. And I usually walk with a bit of spring in my step because the vulnerable feeling has passed. It is not even 8 AM and I’ve already kicked a little ass.
There is something about radiation that has made this whole experience a bit more authentic. While receiving chemotherapy, pretty much everything was done at the oncology center. I got to keep my clothes on, play games, and watch TV. I could wear hats and wigs, and bring snacks. And even though I was in a bed and had an IV, it wasn’t a hospital.
Radiation is every day (except weekends) at an actual hospital. Nothing makes an experience more real than doing it every single day. When I show up each morning I have to put on a hospital gown. Granted, I get to keep my pants and shoes on, but having that gown on still makes it seem a bit more daunting. Once I change, I sit in a small waiting room with my gown and my bald head. I usually don’t go out in public bald, so I feel very vulnerable sitting in my gown and with my ostrich-like head exposed.
Once I’m called back to the radiation area, I walk through a door that is about six inches thick. When the technicians get me settled they leave the room and then it’s just me and the machine. The machine re-positions during my treatment and it has a fluidness to it that makes it seem almost like a creature rather than a mere machine.
Those three minutes that I am alone with the machine are peaceful, yet agonizing. It’s early in the morning and I’m still waking up. It’s quiet and I’m usually somewhat covered with a blanket. The sounds of the machine are rhythmic and almost soothing. But then my mind starts to fill with thoughts as the machine rotates around me. I start to think about the fact that I can’t move and that it is very uncomfortable. And I start to think about the radiation that is being administered. I can’t see or feel it, but its presence surrounds me and I almost feel smothered. But by the time the panic starts to set in, the experience ends. The technicians show up and they set me free.
I quickly change into my clothes and then I walk out to my reserved parking space. And I usually walk with a bit of spring in my step because the vulnerable feeling has passed. It is not even 8 AM and I’ve already kicked a little ass.
Friday, April 29, 2011
Kate, William, and Starbucks
Radiation started on Thursday. Things have gone extremely smoothly. The simulation was worse than the actual therapy. For the last two mornings I’ve thrown on a gown, they’ve snapped my head down underneath the mask, strapped down my shoulders, lined me up, and cranked up the machine! The radiation itself probably takes less than two minutes and I don’t feel a thing. I was hoping I’d be able to see some sort of beam or ray, but there is nothing. Just a noisy machine.
So far, no significant side effects. I would swear the area they radiated felt a little warm at times during the morning, but that could be my imagination. My tolerance of red wine seems to have waned just a little. I had just gotten to the point where I was enjoying wine again, but I went to a tasting like night and could not tolerate more than a sip or two of the red wines. Radiation to the chest can cause temporary heart burn and throat issues so that is not surprising. Lastly, my mouth has felt dry today. But the air is dry, so I’m not sure if that is the environment or the radiation.
They have been getting me in and out for my 7:30 AM appointment very quickly. I think this morning my visit was 13 minutes total. And that includes watching royal wedding coverage with the radiation staff for a moment. I’ve been able to get to work between 9 and 9:15 AM the last two days. And that is even after taking advantage of what I consider a fabulous perk – the hospital is just down the street from Starbucks! So each morning I’ve been able to grab coffee for my commute into Charlotte. I think starting the day with radiation earns me the right to be a little frivolous!
I’m “off” for the weekend – no more treatments until Monday. The hubbie has agreed to get up with the evil beagles so I’m sleeping in late tomorrow!
So far, no significant side effects. I would swear the area they radiated felt a little warm at times during the morning, but that could be my imagination. My tolerance of red wine seems to have waned just a little. I had just gotten to the point where I was enjoying wine again, but I went to a tasting like night and could not tolerate more than a sip or two of the red wines. Radiation to the chest can cause temporary heart burn and throat issues so that is not surprising. Lastly, my mouth has felt dry today. But the air is dry, so I’m not sure if that is the environment or the radiation.
They have been getting me in and out for my 7:30 AM appointment very quickly. I think this morning my visit was 13 minutes total. And that includes watching royal wedding coverage with the radiation staff for a moment. I’ve been able to get to work between 9 and 9:15 AM the last two days. And that is even after taking advantage of what I consider a fabulous perk – the hospital is just down the street from Starbucks! So each morning I’ve been able to grab coffee for my commute into Charlotte. I think starting the day with radiation earns me the right to be a little frivolous!
I’m “off” for the weekend – no more treatments until Monday. The hubbie has agreed to get up with the evil beagles so I’m sleeping in late tomorrow!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Simulation
Today I had my final radiation simulation – tomorrow we go live.
This appointment went much better than Monday’s session. We literally walked through exactly what would happen at each appointment. The process is pretty streamlined. There is a small waiting area for the radiation patients, and it has a computer where you can do self-check-in. Next you can go ahead and find a dressing room to put on a gown. I am lucky in that I only have to undress my top half. So I can show off all kinds of great footwear during my radiation.
Today, the technicians did some calibration (i.e., table height, centering, alignment, etc.) as well as documentation, which translates to writing all over my neck and chest with black marker. Luckily I can wash off all but one marking which is luckily normally covered by a shirt. They did give me a butterfly sticker to help preserve the marking.
As I was lying there in my mask, they also gave me some fabulous news. They are giving me the 7:30 AM timeslot for the duration of my treatment. This has relieved quite a bit of stress for me – I was very worried about trying to leave work each day at 2:15 to make an afternoon appointment. This makes me sound like a workaholic. I’m not really, I just long for normalcy and to be able to really contribute at work again.
I feel pretty calm about radiation. From my understanding, side effects won’t really start until around the second week. And even then, they are primarily localized to the neck and chest. My biggest concern is fatigue. I am hoping to just truck right through this without a bunch of down time. I will listen to my body and do what I need to do, but in my opinion positive thinking can go a long ways in how you feel.
The 18 day countdown to the end of treatment begins. Geez, that’s shorter than one cycle of chemotherapy. I can do this!
This appointment went much better than Monday’s session. We literally walked through exactly what would happen at each appointment. The process is pretty streamlined. There is a small waiting area for the radiation patients, and it has a computer where you can do self-check-in. Next you can go ahead and find a dressing room to put on a gown. I am lucky in that I only have to undress my top half. So I can show off all kinds of great footwear during my radiation.
Today, the technicians did some calibration (i.e., table height, centering, alignment, etc.) as well as documentation, which translates to writing all over my neck and chest with black marker. Luckily I can wash off all but one marking which is luckily normally covered by a shirt. They did give me a butterfly sticker to help preserve the marking.As I was lying there in my mask, they also gave me some fabulous news. They are giving me the 7:30 AM timeslot for the duration of my treatment. This has relieved quite a bit of stress for me – I was very worried about trying to leave work each day at 2:15 to make an afternoon appointment. This makes me sound like a workaholic. I’m not really, I just long for normalcy and to be able to really contribute at work again.
I feel pretty calm about radiation. From my understanding, side effects won’t really start until around the second week. And even then, they are primarily localized to the neck and chest. My biggest concern is fatigue. I am hoping to just truck right through this without a bunch of down time. I will listen to my body and do what I need to do, but in my opinion positive thinking can go a long ways in how you feel.
The 18 day countdown to the end of treatment begins. Geez, that’s shorter than one cycle of chemotherapy. I can do this!
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